The way I feel right now...

The way I feel right now, I would kick God if I came across him.

I would kick Him really, really, really hard,

On the shin bones, where it would hurt the most, or so I would hope...!

In fact since God is Spirit as we are made to believe.

I would wish that just for a moment he could become human so my kick would really have effect.

And I don't mean he becomes Jesus Christ again,

Who has already paid for our sins by his pain and suffering on earth.

I would want to inflict just a little "PAIN" on the Creator of this whole sorry mess,

as the world is today...

As you can imagine I'm rather angry with God right now,

In fact I am pissed off and seriously peeved.

I wish I could give Him a piece of my mind right now,

Which is what I'm actually doing by writing this article.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll feel better after I've vented,

Maybe by letting God know how vexed I am with him it may soothe the deep sorrow in my heart.

Because Lord [and you should know it already since you are omniscient]

You know I am SAD! SAD!! SAD!!! SAD!!!! SAD!!!!!

In fact so sad I contemplated taking my own life last night.

I just didn't have the tools or the energy to do it...

I don't even want to die [because that entails going on to another existence, heaven or hell]

I just want not to EXIST any longer, not even as a spirit entity!!!

I don't even want to go to heaven, cos I'm still so sad and angry.

And they say there is no anger in heaven, so that just won't do.

Some of you "holier-than-thou-art" types will want to castigate me for voicing my feelings,

Go ahead, I really don't give two f**** cos God knows how I feel, whether I voice it or not.

Or do you all want me to add lying to myself to the already dreadful way I feel?

I don't think so!!!

So kindly leave me and my God to sort out matters between ourselves.

Ehen God, back to you as I've said before.

I didn't ask to be created, you decided that all on your own,

Even though you were creating me to a life of pain and anguish,

A lot of it not of my own making..

That is why I will KICK you really hard if I ever get the chance.

You created the world and EVERYTHING in it, abi???

Which means you created the devil and all the EVIL, SICKNESS, ANGUISH AND HOPELESSNESS IN THE WORLD TOO!!!

I won't ask why you did, only you know your reasons,

Which is beyond any kinda reasonable comprehension to me at the moment.

But I will ask why you created ME.

I have the right to do so, or don't I???

I am just soooooo sick and tired of all this pain and anguish.

So please just let me be, just let me cease to exist, you owe me that if nothing else!!!

Otherwise just please appear before me in person and let me KICK YOU so it really hurts,

Just so you perhaps feel a little bit of how I'm hurting right now.

Otherwise you'll be a very WICKED and UNJUST creator,

Which is exactly how I'm beginning to feel at the moment...

By Christie Nonye Akumabor 05/05/10

Beautiful from inside out she is ♥♥♥

Beautiful from inside out she is, 

My strong, brave, big, black beautiful woman.

Comes in many shapes and sizes she does,

Courageous, loving, self-sacrificing, beautiful black woman

Mother to one, mother to all, those are her characteristics.

Regal is her bearing, demure her composure.

From all hues of the "beautiful black rainbow" she hails,

Ebony black, chocolate caramel, golden brown, toffee coloured and light cream,

Fat, slim, curvy or not, kinky-haired or permed,

They are all lovely, beautiful just as God created them.

Mothers of Kings, Princes, Freedom fighters and even slaves,

The beautiful strong black woman, loves with abandon.

Her love has no conditions, and she can bear any burden for love,

For the love of her man, her child, her brothers, sisters, and her tribe.

She asks for no payment in return, often receiving none as her due,

But still she loves, and loves deeply....

God gave the black woman a heart of gold, because he knew,

Hers was a heart that needed to be strong, brave, pure and long-suffering.

Brow-beaten by society, kept in bondage by norms and customs, for many a year,

The brave, beautiful black woman will not stay down,

Will never stay down.....

Like the beautiful phoenix, she arises from the ashes of her suffering,

To birth the dreams and aspirations of future generations.

Like Sarah of old, she will be given laughter for tears, joy for ashes,
Her rewards await her, in heaven if not on earth.

She does have moments of triumph however, small though they may be,

Like when her child succeeds in life and honours her,

The achievements of her man, delight her heart,

The coming of grandchildren, her crowning glory.

Strong, bold, brave, lovely, beautiful black woman, I salute you.

For never giving up, for loving despite the pain,

For triumphing over abuse, betrayal, rejection and abandonment.

For coping with polygamy, concubines, endless pregnancies and infant deaths.

For not succumbing to western ideas and ideals of what beauty is,

For redefining in a way only black women can, of what OUR beauty truly is.

For carrying on, when sometimes our men have given up.

For being there still, when all else have deserted,
Endurance is her middle name, the strong, courageous, beautiful black woman,

And what a lovely name that is....

From the lowliest of prisons, to the loftiest kings thrones, you'll find her,

Loving, supporting, encouraging her husband, her son, her father, brother or friend.

Her love is like a favourite blanket; soft, warm and encompassing,

Her lips sing lullaby's to babes in arms, her arms comfort the crying child.

She holds her man in high esteem, and if he treats her right,

Wow, he can barely cope with the delights....

Wild and untamed, passionate yet submissive, strong yet so soft.

Beautiful from inside out; wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend

I salute all the strong, brave, bold, lovely and loving, beautiful black women I know,
And especially for my dear late mum; Ogbuefi Mrs Ursula Nwanefuru Akumabor

Mbona, Dalu so, Nagode, Ekusé, Asante sana...

By Christie Nonyelum Akumabor 01/05/10

My Mum, Grandmum and Aunt.

Mum and daughter

 With my dear friend and sister Vivian

With my dear Aunt Nneka; "Mother is supreme"

Just moi


With my darling grandmother

My dear friends daughter, a beautiful Bini princess

The beautiful but stolen mask of Queen Idia of Benin

Another time, another look..

ORIGINS, ARISEN....

I had a dream one night, a few years ago now.

My dreams are often a kaleidoscope,

Of incongruent images which make no sense.

But, I remembered this dream,

I remembered it vividly,

Though it made no sense, at the time.

I saw a huge tree in my dream,

With massive branches spreading widely.

I got the impression, quite strongly too

That the tree was located in Benin.

From the tree trunk, arose the figure of a woman,

It looked like she had sprung out of the earth.

It seemed that like the massive tree,

Her roots were firmly embedded in the earth,

from whence she had arisen,

And her arms were outstretched, just like the branches.

What did this mean?

What did this connote?

I wondered briefly, then forgot,

Till I saw a depiction of my dream in a cousins painting,

Not very long afterwards, WOW!!!

How could this be, I wondered?

How could my cousin have drawn my vision?

When I had shared it with no one else,

When I could barely make sense of it myself?

Is it because we are relatives, thus connected?

We are connected, because we are cousins,

We are connected, because we share the same blood.

We are connected, because we both schooled in Benin.

I also lived there for most of my childhood and youth,

While he spent some of his formative years there in boarding school.

We are both doctors, as well as artists,

I'm the literary kind, he's the graphic kind.

So scientific and artistic we both are!

An unusual combination of skills don't you think?

Or is it really???

I digress, as I am wont to do.

So back to my dream.

What does it mean?

Does it even matter what it means???

I've had some thoughts on this,  

But no firm conclusions yet.

I've even come across an Igbo chap,

Who unbeknownst to himself,

Echoed some of my thoughts.

Amazing, don't you think,

That three separate beings,

Could share the same "bizarre" thoughts.

I won't go into the details here,

Of my thoughts, of my clumsy interpretations.

Its too absurd to consciously voice out, even to myself.

So I leave "YOU", with the puzzle of my dream,

Is there anybody out there, who can shed some light?

Like Joseph of old, is there any dream interpreter out there?

My thoughts on the matter include "Origins", "The garden of Eden",

But I make no firm conclusions.

Only the good Lord knows what my dream meant,

And whether it even meant anything at all even....!

If it did, I know in time all WILL be revealed,

Selah...

By Christie Nonye Akumabor 20/04/10



Queen Idia of Benin

Then I went and found this picture of me,
which I'd completely forgotten about



Just moi, sporting my new Masai look

LIFE; A JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY OF SELF AND GOD

Who am I? I would occasionally ask, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

What makes me act the way I do? What am I here for? What's my purpose on this earth?

What determines self is a fundamental question that man has asked throughout the centuries.

The answers have often eluded even the greatest thinkers and philosophers of the times.

So do I now have the answer to this profound question? Yes, a resounding yes!!!

I am a wonderful being of God's deliberate creation.

He's my Father and He created me. His is the handwriting on the wall of my life. 

I am the delightful dance to the tune He dictates, as "He Pays The Piper".

I am the blank page, on which He will draw the most beautiful designs.

I am anything and everything He says I am,
And what He says is fantastic!!!

My earholes have been unblocked, unclogged now...!

Earholes that were clogged with the limited perceptions of the world.

Clogged, with the negative attitudes of others, which I'd imbibed over time.

Clogged, with the memories of past failures and disappointments.
No longer...! No more do I hear that cacophony of senseless noise.

I now hear only the sweet melody of my Creator's voice,

As He speaks words of encouragement to me.

A voice only I can hear, and there is no interference from without, anymore...!

A voice so clear that it sinks deep down into my being, where it resonates with my soul.

I now know who I am, and the knowledge has set me free...!

Free to soar like an eagle, into the clouds or wherever my Creator would have me go.

The knowledge was there from the beginning,

Was integrated into my being from when I was first created.

It got lost somewhere along the way,

But on my journey through life I've rediscovered it, and Wow...!

What a wonderful and fantastic discovery it was, a real Eureka moment...!

Wait and see the beautiful dance my Creator will lead me in.

Listen out for the wonderful duet we'll create,

As He leads me down the paths He has laid out for me.

It's going to be a wonderful journey from here on in,

And I really can't wait to get started,

I hope you all will soon begin your journeys of discovery with the Lord.

And for those of you who have already commenced, It's an amazing trip isn't it?

I hope to meet up with you somewhere along the way.

You'll know it's me, by the accompanying whoops of joy, loud music and riotous dancing that'll follow in our wake.

Lord I thank you, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...

By Christie Nonye Akumabor 18/04/10

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, thank you Lord

I can soar like an eagle anywhere my Father takes me

 And we'll dance together more beautifully and gracefully than
these dancers



Yep, my Atilogwu dance with the Lord sure has started ((*_*))

THE DARK DON'T SCARE ME ANYMORE....!

The dark don't scare me anymore....!

The night no longer holds any terrors.

I used to be scared of the dark, like all kids were,

But aged 8, I asked the Lord to help me,

And He sure did answer my plea.

I can now confidently go anywhere in the dark,

It has been so since I was 8.

I know there are some dangers out there,

Robbers, muggers, rapists and snakes.

But whilst I do not willingly court danger,

The dark sure don't scare me anymore....!

I asked God when I was 8,

To help me conquer my fear of the dark,

And like the loving generous Father He is,

He responded at once to my request.

I am now a child of the night,

When I often do my best work.

When I can work without growing weary,

When inspiration comes to me unbidden.

At night I would often complete tasks begun in the day,

Like tidying my room as a growing teenager,

Down to the last detail, down to the last shoe, in it's right place,

Despite my mums pleas of  "Christie please go to sleep."

As an adult my presentations got their finishing touches at night.

Even this poem, was started and finished this very night.

The dark don't scare me anymore....!

Because I asked God for help about it as a child,

At a time when I had complete faith and trust in Him.

How I wish I could have that child-like trust again,

How I pray for that unwavering belief in His Omnipotence.

I do occasionally happen upon glimpses of that trust,

Like when He helped me conquer my fear of pedestrian overhead bridges recently.

I believe, but I sometimes still waver, unfortunately...

I believe, but I sometimes think God is saying no and then I waver again.

I need to rediscover the child in me, who believed, hoha.

I hope to find her as I journey through life,

That child who once believed, that once trusted fully, will be found...

I REALLY DO NEED TO FIND HER!

Because if the dark don't scare her anymore, once I find her;

NOTHING WILL EVER SCARE ME, ANYMORE, EVER AGAIN!!!

So Lord, please help me seek and find her,

Cos, the dark really don't scare me anymore....!

By Christie Nonye Akumabor 18/04/10



No longer afraid, ha ha ha

My ten year old unafraid self

JESUS, WHO IS HE......?

Jesus, the only son of God, the Christ, the Messiah. Immanuel; "God with us", the greatest man who ever lived on earth, who'll ever live on earth........!

Angels announced his impending birth. The son of a humble couple, from the town of Bethlehem in Judea [current day Palestine]. Descended from the royal lineage of King David, his destiny foretold by prophets long since gone [Is 7:14]. A new star heralded his birth, wise men came from the far off east, following that bright star, to pay him homage. Nearby shepherds came to worship at his feet, Herod heard and was scared, he tried to have him killed, but Jesus was taken away to safety in Egypt on an angels beckoning. [Matt 2:15]

What was his purpose here on earth, what did he come to do......?

He came to do the most generous thing, the noblest thing any man has ever done for another, throughout the course of history. He came to teach us about his Father, despite the scorn, ridicule and derision he received along the way. He came to reunite us with our Creator, from whom we had been separated, since the fall of Adam at the beginning of time [Gen 3:23-24]. He came to preach good news to the poor, heal the sick, give sight to the blind and set the captives free.

He came as a living sacrifice, to atone for all our sins by the giving of his life and the shedding of his blood on the cross. He did this while we were all still unrepentant sinners, he did this even when we whipped him, cursed him, spat on him, stripped him of his garments, strung him up and nailed him to the cross. And yet, he still prayed for us, prayed that God his father would forgive us "because we did not know what we were doing" [Lk 23:34]. Jesus knew this was the reason he was sent to earth, to die in a most horrible manner for our sins, and yet he came willingly......, like a lamb to the slaughter.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" [Jn 3:16]. Jesus came to love us, sinners, as His Father loved him. He entreated us to obey his commands and remain in his love, just as he had obeyed his Father's commands and remained in Gods love. Yeah, he commanded us: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love  has no-one than this, that a man should lay down his life for his friends [Jn 15:9-13]. We are his friends if we do what he commands, he has made known to us everything that he learned from his Father, and again he commands us to love each other [Jn 15:17].

For me, this is the very essence of Who Jesus is, this is the basis of the redemptive message he brought to the world. "God loves us, He wants to save us, He sent his only Son to save us, He desires that we love Him whole heartedly, and He also desires, actually commands us, to love each other, as He has loved us.

If we claim to know who Jesus is, are we doing what he commands.......? Thats an imponderable question.

THE IDOLS IN OUR LIVES

Our expectations of what we should have acheived in life are often the greatest idols in our lives. I.e. our career goals, financial success, marraiges, children, the way our spouses/family/friends treat us. Nothing ever turns out the way we expect, or when we expect it, and we find it sooooo difficult to let go of our expectations, or at least I did.......! That's when they become the idols in our lives.

They take our focus off God and stop us believing in Him, then we scramble around aimlessly, trying to attain the unattainable, acheive the unacheivable, repair the irreparable, sometimes we even attempt the ridiculous and try to turn back time!! We need to surrender complete control to God, then trust Him to sort every single thing out....

He really will [Phil 4:19], He is able to, He tells us He will, and most importantly, He wants to... He just needs us to trust Him completely and He will give us every good thing. 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'. Jer 29:11

Dear friends, if this resonates with you, then you're probably like me, trying to hold on to the "steering wheel" of your life instead of surrendering complete control into God's very capable hands. And if it doesn't, then I thank God you've already found complete trust in Him. As for the rest of us, we are still works in progress. Just try it and see. What do you have to loose??? Afterall if you could have sorted it by yourself, it would no longer be an issue... Just trust God with the small and big issues in your life and prepare to be amazed. And we don't have to be righteous or deserving for God to sort us out. He created us, and because he loves us regardless, he will always answer us whenever we cry out to Him...

He'll shower us with love if we ask and then just keep still

God IS love

And he sends us a rainbow to remind us of his undying love

He will answer us when we call on him